rested all day to get over a little
cold. but overall, feeling no symptoms
at all. my mind imagines all sorts of
things so I'm just trying to relax.

all the books talk about nausea and
the other typical symptoms. not
feeling any of them all day.

I feel like I'll be relieved if I get
morning sickness, even though I hate
feeling queasy. At least it would mean
something is still happening.

fighting off a cold so taking it easy
this weekend. of course, I always feel
totally non-productive when I'm trying
to rest and relax. luckily, I rented
5 movies to keep me occupied.

can't take cold medicine or my
homeopathic remedies which always
nip things in the bud. have to rely
on rest and plenty of fluids.

took G.'s lab Ebb for a walk in the
park this morning. must keep up
the exercise. missed yoga and pilates
so walking was the next best thing.
fitness, very important.

symptom check:
nothing, really
sore breasts again but
that's about it.

symptom check:
sore breasts
not much else

Went to get more blood drawn -
3rd time - every 48 hours.
Should I keep doing this?
$92 each time and I haven't
yet met my medical insurance
deductible.

Maybe if it has doubled again, we
can wait a few weeks. I will make
an appointment for my "first"
exam around 8th week.

I don't want to be paranoid. I just
want to have data.

G. had a dream this morning that we
had a baby boy and he was crawling
all over the bed and under the covers.
Then he looked over the edge of the
bed and saw the Chihuahuas and
started growling at them.

I thought he was saying I gave birth
to a Chihuahua.

My pilates teacher said to expect strange
birthing dreams in later months. Like
giving birth to a litter of puppies. She
dreamt that she gave birth to her
daughter who looked like a big iguana.

"Don't you think she looks a little
strange?" she asked friends and family
in her dream but they just oooo'd and
ahhhh'd about how cute her baby was.

"But its an IGUANA!"

Something to look forward to...

Results are in from the last blood test.
So far, so good.

HCG levels are 1920 - more than double
the first test. Good sign, says the CNM.

Progesterone is 33.1 - a tad lower than
last time but still in the high normal
range (6.6-40.3) of a pregnancy between
4-12 weeks.

Since calendars and dates are not my strongpoint
and since I forgot to record the first day of my
last period, we are not 100% sure of the exact
stage of my pregnancy, but I'm guessing the
first day of my last period was 12/24/03 so
I'm at about 5 weeks 1 day.

As an older pregnancy (anything over 35), I'm
going to be able to take part in a special screening
being done across the country (but not in Wyoming).
I'll have to go to Denver for it - it is called a
Quad Screen. Usually, you get a Triple Screen -
testing for possible birth defects.

The Quad Screen will be done at 11-12 weeks.
First it is a blood test and ultrasound. Then
at 14 weeks, another blood test. This will
show up to 98% certainty if there are neural
tube defects or Downs Syndrome. AND this is
in lieu of an amniocentesis which is an invasive
procedure (when a long needle is inserted into
the abdomen to draw out amniotic fluid from
the placenta to test).

I'm so full of information, aren't I?

Whew, what a difference a day of hormones makes.
I'm feeling a little yuck - tired and flu-ish but no
fever.

Had 2nd blood test - results in tomorrow morning.

Planning my workload for next few months -
trying to keep it manageable so I can avoid
stress and overdoing it. I'm a recovering
workaholic so I always have to be diligent
to avoid slipping back into that frame of
mind and way of life.

If all goes well with this pregnancy, I'll have
plenty to keep me busy, won't I?

Symptom check:
sore breasts
a little dizzy
tired
yuck - not unbearable, just blah

I have it in my mind to make Original
Chex Party Mix. Bought all the ingredients
today and will make it tomorrow. Is this
what they call a craving?

Got the blood test results from Monday.
So far, so good.

HCG 711 (good level)

Progesterone 33.7*

*reference for 1st trimester (4-12 weeks)
is 6.6 - 40.3 so it is on the higher side.
Yay!

Going back Wednesday afternoon for
another. Results in Thursday.

Daily Symptom Check:
sore breasts
a little bloaty
a little dizzy getting out of bed
moody - ala PMS

had a blood test to measure both
HCG and Progesterone levels.

will have another in 48 hours
(Wednesday) to make sure
everything is in order (HCG
should double - don't know what
progesterone should do but assuming
it should increase).

I won't take no for an answer.
I'll pay for any tests that can be
done.

I just want data.

Now, for the good news. I'm pregnant again. Yes, a little more than 3 months since I miscarried, and I just triple checked with another home pregnancy test yesterday.

Strange thing - took a test Thursday. Negative. Oh well, I thought, we'll keep trying (always fun to try).

Saturday, still no period, but I hadn't been recording my cycle the last few months so was very confused about when it was supposed to start anyway. Took another test - Positive but faint.

I pulled out the first test from my cupboard (had saved it) to compare it to make sure I wasn't confused. And IT was POSITIVE, too! I guess I hadn't waited long enough. But then again, they say don't look at the results after 10 minutes and it had been 2 days.

So I picked up some more tests and did one more on Sunday. Positive. And I still don't have my period, although I did spot on Saturday and again on Sunday - very little, faded brownish. I'm thinking it was implantation spotting.

Last pregnancy I spotted at implantation but then began spotting again the following week. Then it stopped and I carried for another 4 weeks or so.

Now, I want to get tests to monitor my HCG and Progesterone levels. The new CNM's office tells me they don't really do this until a "pattern of miscarriages emerges."

Of course, my comment to that was "So you're telling me a woman has to suffer through several miscarriages before you start checking to see what is going on?" Seemed like cruel and unusual punishment to me.

So the nurse agreed to do a bloodtest to test my HCG levels today and then again on Wednesday to see if they are doubling. Well, that's a start, but it doesn't tell anything about the progesterone level in week 6 and beyond.

She mentioned a progesterone suppository but they usually give that BEFORE a woman gets pregnant and only when they know she has a problem with low progesterone.

Hey, I'm not looking for a cure-all drug. I'm not the type of person who likes taking any medications and certainly not one that will probably make me nauseaous sooner than later. But at my age (late 30s), I'd rather have some data and some support to at least try to help out this pregnancy. And if it doesn't take hold, then at least there is some data to help pinpoint the possible problem.

Is that so unreasonable?

I miscarried in early October, week 9 of my pregnancy. After a lot of research and asking around, I'm convinced that I had low progesterone levels. It seems that around week 10, the ovaries stop producing progesterone and let's the placenta take over. In some women - especially over 35 - the ovaries stop producing progesterone too soon. I'm sure this is what happened to me.

In Week 6 and 7, I told my certified nurse midwife that I was no longer feeling pregnant. The little bit of nausea had gone away, my breasts weren't hurting, nothing. She told me to be "happy I wasn't getting sick" but that by Week 8, it would probably hit me like a ton of bricks. Week 8 came and went without any symptoms.

We had a fetal heartbeat monitoring scheduled for week 9. My CNM couldn't find the heartbeat. "Oh, that doesn't mean anything. It is probably your uterus tilted back so we can't hear the heartbeat because it is too far from the monitor."

I was skeptical, but didn't want to worry too much.

The next day, I began to miscarry. It first felt like a major period coming on, then it only got worse. Bleeding, pain, fear. More bleeding, pain, fear. Sadness, too. At the time this started happening, G. and I were on the road and eventually I had him drive me to the emergency room in Rock Springs, WY.

For some reason, the moment you are in the ER, you get 10x worse. I started shaking uncontrollably. They tried to put an IV into my hand and I was so freaked out (hate needles) that I started crying and begging G. to talk to me. He didn't say a word which made me freak out more. Later, he told me he was about to pass out once he realized how bad off I really was - he was afraid of losing me and the rush of emotions was overwhelming to him.

Anyway, long story, lots of ER mishaps (so why was it they didn't label my blood the first time they drew it and had to draw it again?) but I did find out something totally surprising. All my life, I've thought I was 0 Negative but after the 3rd time they drew my blood, it was confirmed I was 0 Positive. How weird is that?

Needless to say, I decided to see another CNM. I forgot to mention how the CNM who was on the phone with me several times during the day I was miscarrying and then saw me for my Post MC check up called me a month later with my lab results (a month???) to say my HCG levels were still elevated which was normal after giving birth.

What? Giving birth? I asked her if she knew who she was talking to. She fumbled through some papers, gasped, then said "I mispoke, I mean after a miscarriage." She was also the CNM I mentioned a strange thing in their ultrasound room. There was a painting of a mother holding a baby and some written message like "The Joy of Motherhood." This painting was in a room where not only happily pregnant women were given ultrasounds, but also where grieving women who just miscarried were getting the same.

I think the actual treatment by the CNMs was harder for me to deal with than the miscarriage itself. Or maybe I was just so ultra sensitive from the miscarriage that everything was pissing me off.

So this is why I haven't written here for a while.