Well, Hit Me Over the Head with a 2 by 4

Okay, don't know what to think or feel but here it is.

hCG levels - 9176
prog 21.1

Found this out around 11:30am and thought "what the fuck?" My levels have never been this high and even though technically they did not double in 72 hours, they were only a mere 300 under doubling. What the hell is going on?

Got the Sonogram at 1pm and...

We saw the heartbeat flicker.

We couldn't hear it but the technician said that it would probably be audible as early as tomorrow. I'm about 6 weeks 3 or 4 days give or take.

This is so much more than we've had before. Before it was a gestational sac and yolk sac but also a big black void and much too small for the stage I was in. This time, it measured about 6 weeks. And we've never had a heartbeat flicker before. Sure, we've had a loud, gaping silence and solemn technicians who didn't want to tell me too much because they weren't doctors. Never a technician saying "With all the years experience I've had doing this, I know a fetal heartbeat when I see one."

All of this stuff is so imprecise - how is a sane, intelligent woman supposed to make heads or tails of any of it?

I do recall one doctor saying that once you hear a heartbeat, the chance of miscarriage drops significantly. Can't rule it out, but certainly the odds are much better for carrying to term when a heartbeat is detected.

So anyone want off of my reproductive rollercoaster ride yet? I'll slow it down this week in case any of you are needing a break from this madness called "Babymaking After 4 Miscarriages..."

Next steps:

1. Up progesterone supplement to 3x a day because of the drop.

2. Check progesterone again Wednesday. If below 20, she'll start injecting me with progesterone.

3. Sonogram #2 on next Monday - Halloween.

Confession:

Friday night, after the levels went from 3491 to 4733 and I was certain that it was the beginning of the end, my doctor told me to continue everything as usual and not to give up, but frankly, I gave up. I told G. that I didn't want any more shots, that I didn't feel like taking anything. He didn't agree but wanted to be supportive of my choice.

So Friday night, we shared two beers and I didn't even take my vitamins. I hate to admit it but I felt so incredibly relieved not to have to have the shot and thought I was doing the right thing.

Saturday morning, I woke up and immediately said to G. - "I think we better resume the shots tonight."

I don't know why. I can't say I "had a feeling" that the pregnancy was okay. I just thought I should do it. So I took baby aspirin that morning and did the whole routine (Lovenox injections, Omega 3, Prenatal vitamin, extra Folic, baby aspirin, 2 doses progesterone) Saturday and Sunday, too.

I think it was the beer. If we have this baby, maybe we should name it "Corona."