I miscarried in early October, week 9 of my pregnancy. After a lot of research and asking around, I'm convinced that I had low progesterone levels. It seems that around week 10, the ovaries stop producing progesterone and let's the placenta take over. In some women - especially over 35 - the ovaries stop producing progesterone too soon. I'm sure this is what happened to me.

In Week 6 and 7, I told my certified nurse midwife that I was no longer feeling pregnant. The little bit of nausea had gone away, my breasts weren't hurting, nothing. She told me to be "happy I wasn't getting sick" but that by Week 8, it would probably hit me like a ton of bricks. Week 8 came and went without any symptoms.

We had a fetal heartbeat monitoring scheduled for week 9. My CNM couldn't find the heartbeat. "Oh, that doesn't mean anything. It is probably your uterus tilted back so we can't hear the heartbeat because it is too far from the monitor."

I was skeptical, but didn't want to worry too much.

The next day, I began to miscarry. It first felt like a major period coming on, then it only got worse. Bleeding, pain, fear. More bleeding, pain, fear. Sadness, too. At the time this started happening, G. and I were on the road and eventually I had him drive me to the emergency room in Rock Springs, WY.

For some reason, the moment you are in the ER, you get 10x worse. I started shaking uncontrollably. They tried to put an IV into my hand and I was so freaked out (hate needles) that I started crying and begging G. to talk to me. He didn't say a word which made me freak out more. Later, he told me he was about to pass out once he realized how bad off I really was - he was afraid of losing me and the rush of emotions was overwhelming to him.

Anyway, long story, lots of ER mishaps (so why was it they didn't label my blood the first time they drew it and had to draw it again?) but I did find out something totally surprising. All my life, I've thought I was 0 Negative but after the 3rd time they drew my blood, it was confirmed I was 0 Positive. How weird is that?

Needless to say, I decided to see another CNM. I forgot to mention how the CNM who was on the phone with me several times during the day I was miscarrying and then saw me for my Post MC check up called me a month later with my lab results (a month???) to say my HCG levels were still elevated which was normal after giving birth.

What? Giving birth? I asked her if she knew who she was talking to. She fumbled through some papers, gasped, then said "I mispoke, I mean after a miscarriage." She was also the CNM I mentioned a strange thing in their ultrasound room. There was a painting of a mother holding a baby and some written message like "The Joy of Motherhood." This painting was in a room where not only happily pregnant women were given ultrasounds, but also where grieving women who just miscarried were getting the same.

I think the actual treatment by the CNMs was harder for me to deal with than the miscarriage itself. Or maybe I was just so ultra sensitive from the miscarriage that everything was pissing me off.

So this is why I haven't written here for a while.