Channeling Happy Pregnancy Vibes

Early this morning, after G. got up to shower, I tried to assess if I felt pregnant yet. I was feeling decidedly not pregnant without sore boobs, no nausea, nothing.

I decided to invite the Positive, Happy, Pregnancy Vibes into my being and basically just thought happy, pregnancy thoughts and happy-to-be-pregnant thoughts. I tried to imagine positive pregnancy energy flowing through me. I sent positive messages to my ovaried, my uterus, to the microscopic alien, saying "Yes, this is good. Yes, I want to be pregnant. Yes, I want to have a baby."

I tried to be happy about being pregnant instead of being neutral. I was worried that my neutral non-emotions might be freezing out the loving, warm, nurturing, mother-energy that this thing needs to grow. I'm so busy trying not to feel anything emotionally so that if my numbers go south, it won't be such a devastating thing, that I may be turning myself into a non-loving space that won't support life.

Okay, so maybe I was still half asleep as I had all of these thoughts because now they sound crazy as hell. But I gave it my best shot - envisioning smiley ovaries and a happy uterus and beaming zygote. We sang, we danced, we laughed, and I embraced them all and said everything would be okay.

Then I realized that my boobs still didn't hurt, there was not an inkling of nausea and other than the fact that I don't have my period, I'm not really having pregnancy symptoms.

Tomorrow I go in for my next levels. Thanks to Agness for the Beta hCG info on her blog. This particular beta base chart shows me that there is no normal range - that these freaking numbers are all over the place - so I cannot base my happiness on numbers. Still, I want to know if they double tomorrow. Call me obsessed.