I'm one degree away from feeling back
to normal. But that one degree is a
bitch. Every time I'm certain things
are okay, I feel pain again or start to
bleed again. But today, I feel like
"me," or whatever "me" is like after
a second miscarriage.

G. is back from a weekend away, and
it is good to have him here. I try not
to feel like a burden, and he is so
willing to help. Being in a solid
relationship has been crucial to my
"quick" recovery, I'm sure.

I leave this afternoon for an out-of-state
trip. That was the main reason why I
nudged my body into the whole process
last week. I was afraid my body was
going to wait until this week, and
then I'd be alone, out of town, in a
hotel room when things happened.

This way, I'm past the worst of it,
and although I hate to leave right
now, I'm much stronger and on the
mend.

Emotionally - it is all tucked away
inside. Working on my book project
is helpful. Things bubble up to the
surface but I keep them at bay.
It is my own little control game.
If I cannot control my body, then
I will control my emotions.

G. and I talk about things, though,
which is good. He told me it made
him sad, too. Of course I knew that
but having him express his feelings
to me is overwhelmingly a good thing.

Sad. I don't want to be sad. But
there it is.