doing everything to give Mother
Nature a nudge. Had reflexology
including a lesson for G. and me on
how to administer it properly.

had a full body massage to de-stress
and more reflexology followed by
a consultation with a Chinese herbalist
and accupuncturist who did a treatment
and gave me some herbs.

have had light cramping, very light.
just feeling overall drained. not happy
about anything at the moment.

trying to mentally let go of everything.
my brain is like a sieve when I want
to remember things and like a vice
when I want to forget.

I'm thinking there are things happening
on another level, a spiritual level, which
I never have wanted to be in touch with.
Not religious - definitely not that. But
some things are resonating with me,
things that make sense more spiritually
than intellectually.

the most recent thing is the woman who
trained us in some reflexology techniques
is also a minister for some sort of metaphysical
type church. She was very comforting and
said something that had profound meaning
and effect.

she said that when her daughter miscarried
(3 miscarriages, 4 children), she told her
daughter that maybe that was all the time
that particular soul needed to be on earth -
those few weeks - before it was ready to
move on. And it helped her accept the loss,
knowing the soul got exactly what it needed.

well, it all ties in with things like reincarnation
and what is the soul and things like that - things
that I don't think about much at all but do have
a particular set of beliefs that is neither based
on one religion or anything I've been taught.
somehow, it just made sense based on my
own personal beliefs. It was a bit of a
revelation and a relief in some way.

Now I have to just let it go - not cling
to it. Let my body let it go. I hate not
being in control. I sure am not a fan of
pain. But that is what is in store for me
and it must be a lesson I have to learn.