back from an out-of-town trip.
felt nearly normal which was
a great relief. you never realize
what normal feels like until you
don't feel it. then when you do,
normal actually feels unfamiliar!

still spotting but not bleeding.
still have pangs/aches mostly
on the left side (of my uterus).

went for a morning walk with
G. and the dogs. a slow, leisurely
pace but you've got to start
somewhere.

sometimes, it is like after the cast
has come off a broken bone (so
I've been told since I've never
broken a bone): you limp or favor
the limb even though it is healed,
partly because you don't trust that
it will be okay. you are waiting for
it to break again.

that's the feeling I have right now.
waiting for the bleeding to start up
again or for the pain to return.

physically, it is fading. emotionally,
it is right at the surface, always ready
to bubble over. spiritually, there is
some damage there. it doesn't make me
question my beliefs in whatever the
heck it is that I believe in - it just
feels like there is a gash in my spirit,
a tear that leaves me vulnerable.

writing can help to heal these
invisible wounds.