After reading "The DaVinci Code," I've become
obsessed with the truth about Mary Magdalene
and the Holy Grail mythology. This isn't a
religion-inspired interest but more a
feeling that I'm discovering a historical
basis for the removal of the feminine
from our fundamental teachings, religions,
power structure, etc.

The reason I bring this up is because I feel
there is a fundamental flaw in our medical
systems and institutions that negate the
feminine. As a woman experiencing very
female events in my life (pregnancy,
miscarriage), I am stunned, shocked,
at how horrible I'm treated. There seems
to be a complete disregard for my female
experience - even by the women medical
practitioners.

I think in this blog I've touched on several
times where I felt all but ignored. Not just
ignored, but treated as if I were a freak.
I literally yelled at the receptionist at
the women's clinic where I've been going
and told her "you treat those of us who
are pregnant as if we are freaks!" Although
slightly hormonally charged (this is when
my HCG levels began dropping), the
statement still rings true today, when my
hormones are pretty much back to "normal."

The most recent incident - 2 weeks ago -
that was yet another way that medical
practitioners are incredibly negligent
with their female patients - totally
ignoring our emotions and vulnerability
during these precarious times - is when
the radiology technician - a woman -
was performing an intravaginal ultrasound
on me.

For those of you not lucky enough to
have one of these fun procedures done
on them, it consists of a device wrapped
in a condom - much like a long, narrow
dildo (not that I own one, mind you,
but just go with the imagery) - is inserted
into a woman's vagina. Most technicians
are trained to hand the device to the
woman and say "insert this like you would
a tampon."

This woman started to reach down to
insert it and I immediately reached down
to do it myself. "Oh yeah, you can do it,"
she said. Damn straight, I thought, woman
or not, you aren't putting that thing in me
when I can do it myself. (Note: Taking charge
of my healthcare.)

Then she performed the ultrasound
and decided she was going to check with
someone else who could read the results
quickly. So she left me in the room in
search of this other person. She left me
in the room with the device still inserted
in me. Okay, you may be thinking - what
is the big deal?

Talk about disempowering. Talk about
invasive. Talk about inconsiderate. She
could have just as easily withdrawn the
device, set it aside, then I could have
reinserted it if she needed more pictures.

And one minute, I'm taking charge of
things being inserted into my body,
and the next, I'm paralyzed again. That
strange patient paralysis (not just exclusively
a female thing but certainly a female trait).
I did nothing. I sat there with this thingy
in me. I was humiliated. Angry. Frustrated.
Embarassed. Pissed off at myself for not
just removing it - for just sitting there
like an idiot.

That, to me, is yet another example of
a total carelessness for women in the
medical environment. Respect for the
feminine, for the female, is totally wiped
out of the picture.

Maybe it is respect for the human. Maybe
some guy will tell me about the time a
medical practitioner left the room with
some device protruding from his private
parts. And that he was humiliated,
disempowered, angry. I am not claiming
it is just a female experience.

However, I do believe that if there was
more respect for the fundamental
feminine ways, even men would get
better treatment - more nurturing,
more honoring, more empathetic.

Anyway, this is my rant for the day.
I should be working on other projects
but had to post this commentary along
with some links to books I've read or
will be reading soon. All part of this
exploration of how the sacred feminine
was removed from the equation over
2000 years ago and how our society
has been suffering ever since.

Non-Fiction

The Woman with the Alabaster Jar: Mary Magdalene and the Holy Grail - Margaret Starbird

The Goddess in the Gospel: Reclaiming the Sacred Feminine - Margaret Starbird

Magdalene's Lost Legacy: Symbolic Numbers and the Sacred Union of Christianity - Margaret Starbird

Holy Bood, Holy Grail - Michael Baigent, et. al.

Novels

The DaVinci Code - Dan Brown

The Red Tent - Anita Diamant