my levels are going down.
5810 as of yesterday afternoon.
that pretty much confirms that
this isn't going to work out.
we'll try again - maybe just
one more time. maybe 3rd time
will be the charm, as they say.

tomorrow they will do an ultrasound
to make sure everything is actually
in the uterus (and not in the fallopian
tube or somewhere errant ie. an
ectopic pregnancy).

as long as it is in the uterus, I guess
it becomes a waiting game - when will
my body expel everything.

I think they could go in and do a
d&c which is essentially scraping
the uterus and cleaning it out.
but I'd rather not do anything
invasive.

Now I just have to brace myself
for what comes next. Last time,
the pain was bad, the bleeding
worse, and the emotional side
even worse than that. I was given
some heavy duty pain killers but
really didn't want to take them.
I have a fear of pills in general,
much less powerful ones. So I just
gutted it out.

I'm going to start a new book project
about the first trimester. I'm convinced
that women in their first trimester,
particularly first pregnancies, are
all but ignored by medical practitioners,
probably because this time is so volatile.

And the books out there, particularly
the month by month books, make the
assumption that everything is fine and
will be fine so "here are the symptoms
you should be feeling" - very general,
formulaic and totally inadequate.

That should keep me busy.