welcome to my pregnancy rollercoaster.

I'm awaiting the results from today's
HCG level blood test, and the more I
read and after speaking to the midwife,
I'm sure that everything is fine.

Am I always this obsessed with information?
Yes, I believe so. I just want to understand,
I told the midwife. She was commenting on
how the first trimester is so unpredictable
and difficult to control which is hard for
people who like to control other parts of
their lives.

hmmmm - am I a control freak? I just
want to understand what is going on
with my body, I said, feeling as if I was
a control freak in denial.

I don't really obsess 24/7 over every
twinge and surge. Sometimes, I don't
even remember being pregnant and
just go about my business. I just want
it to work out this time, that's all.

I hate failure.